


Anything for You

by maxiedear



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, College, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Original Character(s), Pegging, Post-Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Post-Squip Rich Goranski, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Suicidal Thoughts, Transgender, Trauma, everyone is in college now, is it still considered pegging if its a transman topping a cisman??, no actual suicide or self harm only talk about the halloween fire, or is it just gay sex at that point?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-08-20 09:14:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20225407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxiedear/pseuds/maxiedear
Summary: Its been four years since the Squip Incident, and I'm now a college junior. I’m clicking around on my laptop, idly sipping my coffee, when a face I haven’t seen in years approaches me.“Um, hi. I see you sitting here all the time, which is probably creepy, but I just transferred here at the beginning of the semester and you seem like a nice person,” he says with a familiar lisp. “I’m Rich, Rich Goranski.”--tags will be updated as I go--





	1. I'll Be Your Sunflower

**Author's Note:**

> I love Rich Goranski and I'm sad that the Broadway run is over and this is how I'm coping.
> 
> The title/contents are kind of from the Weepies Sunflower song.

I’m sitting in my usual spot in the campus library, a quiet couch close to the café. This is where I’ve been sitting every Tuesday and Thursday mornings for the past two semesters, and I’m not planning on changing it. It’s the perfect spot to people watch while ‘working’ on essays or research, but out of the way enough that people don’t usually notice me right away. My friends and peers know where to find me, my professors stop and chat when they see me, and the ladies at the café stand let me refill my coffee mug for free.

I’m clicking around on my laptop, idly sipping my coffee, when a face I haven’t seen in years approaches me.

“Um, hi. I see you sitting here all the time, which is probably creepy, but I just transferred here at the beginning of the semester and you seem like a nice person,” he says with a familiar lisp. “I’m Rich, Rich Goranski.”

“Of course, you can,” I say, confused as to why a person I went to high school with was introducing himself to me. “I don’t know how to say this without potentially embarrassing you, but we went to high school together. I’m Bennie…” Rich’s face goes red, as I thought it would. 

“Holy shit, I barely recognized you! I can’t believe it,” he grins and runs his hand through his hair. “I mean, its been a few years, but dang.”

“Testosterone works wonders,” I grin back. Rich pauses and I can see a sparkle in his eyes.

“It really does,” he says softly. “Uh, I mean, obviously…” he sputters. “So… how has everything been? How’s, you know…”

“Everything’s been great, Rich,” I tell him. “Sometimes I still get phantom pains, but I got a new prosthetic that’s been working really well.”

“Good, good,” Rich says as he looks at the floor. He fiddles with his hands and looks like he wants to say something, but doesn’t know how to. When the fire at the Halloween party happened, my leg got badly burnt and wasn’t healing properly. The doctors and I decided to amputate just above my knee so infections wouldn’t keep spreading, and I know Rich blamed himself for everyone’s injuries, including his own.

“How have you been? You transferred here?” I ask him, changing the subject.

“Yeah, I took the basics at the community college before transferring,” he says after taking a deep breath. “I needed some time to decide if I was even ready for full-blown college, but I’m ready now.”

“Community college _is_ real college,” I tell him.

“I know, but I wasn’t ready to meet people that didn’t know about the whole Squip incident,” he shrugs. “I hate when people ask me what happened,” he says as he gestures to the burn scars on his face and arm.

“I do too,” I admit.

“I’m sorry,” he tells me.

“I am too,” I reply. “But I don’t blame you. I never have.”

“Can I take you to dinner? Or lunch?” he asks me after a few moments. I notice a faint blush spread across his cheeks and smile.

“I would like that,” I tell him. We try to swap phone numbers, but find each other’s numbers still in our phones from when we were in high school. I add an emoji to his name, making it more noticeable in my contacts.

“A sunflower?” he asks me when he sees what I put next to his name.

“What? It’s cute,” I grin. He smiles and puts the same emoji next to my name in his phone.

“I have to get to class, but I’ll text you,” he says as he stands up to leave.

“I’m counting on you,” I joke. Rich chuckles and shakes his head, but pulls out his phone again as he walks away.

::Rich🌻 to Bennie🌻::

_[I told you I would]_

_ [I never doubted you]_

\-----

A day later, my phone buzzes in my pocket.

::Rich🌻 to Bennie🌻::

_[Is today a good day to take you out?]_

_[Like tonight?]_

_ [I’m down for tonight]_

_[Can I pick you up?]_

_ [Please do]_

I tell him what building I live in, and we decide on a time. Rich didn’t say where he wanted to take me, but I trusted his judgement. I smile as I put my phone back in my pocket, excited for tonight. After his Squip was deactivated, Rich mellowed out and became much less of an asshole. His lisp came back and he let his hair grow a little, and he softened overall. Even when he approached me the other day, he was nervous and timid, the opposite of the overconfident person the Squip had made him. Instead of the muscle tanks and camo pants I remember him wearing, he wore jogger jeans and hoodie like most college students. The change wasn’t surprising, but the way he made my stomach flutter was. 

When our decided time nears, I pick out a pair of jeans and one of my nicer crewnecks, and try to fix my hair but give up. The cowlicks were my signature look at this point anyways, but I hoped Rich wouldn’t think I didn’t at least try. I hear a knock on my door and go to answer it, checking my self in the mirror one last time.

“Am I too early,” Rich asks after you open the door.

“You’re right on time,” I smile. I grab my wallet and keys, and let him lead the way.

“You look really nice, Ben,” he says, blushing slightly.

“Not so bad yourself, shortie,” I tell him as I bump my shoulder against his. We are about the same height, but I’m about an inch taller than him.

“You’re barely taller than me,” he says in fake offense.

“Yeah, but that’s what you used to call me anyways,” I laugh.

“I can’t believe the Squip made me do that,” he laughs. “That stupid thing made me do so many things I didn’t want to do. Why did everyone just let me wear camo pants every day?”

“You made them work somehow,” I shrug. “Weren’t they in fashion?”

“I don’t remember, but I see pictures and cringe at the terrible clothes I wore.”

“I feel that. I don’t know who I was fooling with those skirts and makeup.”

“Maybe you were trying to fool yourself. You did make everyone call you Bennie, though,” he tells me. “Cis people don’t just change their names for fun.”

“You’re probably right,” I sigh. “Now I live in printed button-ups and crewnecks, the ultimate trans fashions.” Rich laughs as he approaches a green car, a bi pride flag sticker on the back window.

“I’m taking you to only the best not-really-fast-food place in town, because college budgets” he says as you sit in the passenger seat.

“Anything is better than the dining hall. I would even be okay with Taco Bell,” I tell him.

“Potbelly’s is loads better than both.”

“Going all out, are you?” I laugh.

“Only the best for you,” he grins. I feel my cheeks heat up and I turn to the window to hide my smile. Rich has definitely improved his flirting since high school, and it was working.

When we arrive at the ‘not-really-fast-food place’, we order our sandwiches and milkshakes.

“The little cookies they put on the straws are the best,” he says as he pulls his off and pops them in his mouth.

“I love shortbread,” I tell him as I do the same.

“Shortbread?”

“Yeah, like the Girl Scout cookies or the ones that come in those tins? Those are the same as these, just bigger,” I explain to him, surprised he didn’t know.

“So you’re telling me I can just buy these at the store? Like for whenever?”

“Yes, you can buy them at the store,” I laugh.

“We’re going to the grocery store after this,” he tells me, set on finding shortbread cookies for himself. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go for it.”

“How long have you been on hormones? Clearly I don’t pay attention to social media…”

“Hm… About a year now,” I tell him. “I haven’t posted anything about it though, so even if you were looking at my Facebook you wouldn’t have seen anything.”

“Oh thank god,” he says as he sighs in relief. “I thought I was just being a bad friend for not recognizing you.”

“I don’t blame you, my face and voice has really changed,” I shrug.

“You look happier,” Rich smiles. “It’s nice to see you smile.”

“It’s nice to see you smile, too,” I say, feeling my cheeks and ears heat up. “High school was a trip, huh?”

“I think the Squips made it worse…” he admits. “I can’t believe I fell for that bullshit.”

“You weren’t the only one, I’m sure it happened other places too.”

“I know, but still…” he says as he puts his head in his hands.

“Hey,” I say as I pull them away from his face, squeezing them with mine. “It’s all over now. I know I can’t make you believe it wasn’t your fault just by telling you, but I’m not going to stop trying. You deserve to heal and to be happy, Rich.”

“Thanks, Bennie,” he says softly, squeezing my hands back. “It’s just hard, you know.”

“Yeah, it is,” I nod. “But I’m here for you now, even if you just want to watch Vine compilations.”

“That sounds good to me,” he smiles.

When we finish our sandwiches and shakes, we get back in his car.

“Can we still go to the grocery store?” Rich asks me.

“Hell, yeah we can, we need to get you those cookies!” 

Rich quietly cheers and we head over to the nearest grocery store, finding the shortbread cookies. He gets two boxes, and drives me home.

I fiddle with my keys as we stand in front of my apartment door, not wanting our time together to end.

“Bennie?” Rich says as he takes my hands. “Can we do this again? But as a real date?”

“I would really like that,” I tell him. I squeeze his hands and smile, and I gently kiss the scars on his cheek. He blushes and grins, and kisses my knuckles.

“I’ll text you then. Or see you in the library. Whichever comes first.”

He holds one of my hands as I unlock my door, and neither of us want to let go.

“I’m counting on you, Rich,” I say as I open my door and head inside, his hand slipping from mine. Rich shakes his head at me and smiles, pulling out his phone. I smile back when I feel mine buzz in my pocket, but he turns and starts to leave before I can check it. He looks back at me and waves before I close my door, and I wave back. After I close my door I check my phone and gush to myself.

::Rich🌻 to Bennie🌻::

_[Anything for you]_

_ [_ _❤️_ _❤️_ _❤️]_

_[You know I’d do the same]_


	2. Take a Chance on Me

Rich and I have been going on dates for a couple weeks now, but we haven’t made anything official. I’ve introduced him to my friends in the college’s LGBTQ club and disability advocacy group, and they’ve all become friends as well. Watching Rich make friends and laugh with them makes my heart melt, and to see him be comfortable with himself is wonderful.

“So, how did you meet each other?” one of my friends, Ava, asks me after a club meeting one day.

“We went to high school together,” I tell her. “We hadn’t talked in years, and he actually didn’t recognize me when he saw me again.”

“It’s not my fault, you never posted anything about starting hormones or any updates on your progress,” Rich interjects from across the room. “You didn’t even notice me checking you out for weeks in the library.”

“That’s true…” I sigh. “I didn’t even see you until you came to sit by me.”

“I may or may not have been hiding just out of your view, though,” he grins. He joins me and Rose on a couch and throws and arm around my shoulder, kissing my cheek.

“Ugh, stop. You’re too cute together,” Ava gags.

“Ben is the cute one, I just mooch off of him,” Rich smiles.

“You do not,” I say as I elbow him. “You provide your own cuteness and you know it.”

“Well I need to go work on the massive amounts of procrastination homework I have, but you two can stay here and do whatever this fake bickering is,” Ava laughs. We say goodbye to her as she leaves, and Rich and I are the only ones left in the room.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” he asks me. “Unless you have stuff to do…”

“I’m not like Ava, I finish my work before its due,” I tell him. “We can watch a movie or two.”

We walk together to my small apartment hand in hand, and after a short walk we arrive at my building. When we get to my apartment, we kick off our shoes and collapse onto the couch.

“What should we watch?’ Rich asks me as he turns on the TV and Netflix.

“Not horror.”

“Okay, not horror. I can do that,” he says as he scrolls through the menu.

“Can we watch something happy? Like Mamma Mia or something?” I ask him.

“You want to watch Mamma Mia?” he laughs.

“It’s a good movie! It makes me happy, and my hips hurt so I deserve it.”

“Okay okay, we can watch a musical chick flick,” he says as he presses play on the renowned ABBA inspired movie. Rich smiles as I start to sing along, and scoots close to me so he can wrap his arm around my waist. He sings along to the well known songs, and laughs when I try to dance along.

“I’ll be right back, I need to take off my pants and leg,” I tell him after my hip loudly pops from me dancing. Rich nods and watches as I leave for my bedroom.

“Don’t bother putting pants back on,” he yells to me.

“Ha ha, very funny,” I yell back. I take off my pants and prosthetic, and put on a pair of loose shorts. I grab a small jar of vaporub and wheel myself back to the living room on my desk chair.

“I put on shorts instead,” I grin and hop back on to the couch.

“What’s the lotion for?” he asks me as I open the jar, the minty chemical aroma filling the air.

“It helps with the pain, and I like the smell,” I tell him as I pull the hems of my shorts and boxer briefs up so I can rub the lotion on my hip joints. I massage the excess into my knee and move on to my stump. Rich watches as I dig my fingers into my thigh and hum along to the music.

“Can I do that for you?” he asks hesitantly.

“You want to massage my leg?”

“Well, yeah. Why wouldn’t I want to help my boyfriend reduce their pain?”

I think for a moment and nod. Not many people have touched my residual limb, let alone seen it. If I take my leg out of the socket at club meetings, I always kept the liners on.

“You’re the first person that isn’t a doctor or family to even see it,” I tell him. “I didn’t think anyone would want to, let alone touch it...”

“I want to take care of you,” Rich smiles. I nod and put my legs across his lap, and he gently rubs his hands over my limb. “Just tell me if I hurt you, okay?”

“You’re not going to hurt me,” I chuckle. He gently presses his fingers into my thigh, rubbing circles with his thumbs. I lean back and watch him, letting him feel the muscle and scar tissue.

“Is this alright?” he asks softly. I hum in approval and relax into his touch, closing my eyes to enjoy the moment together. I sing along to the rest of the songs, dancing in my seat as Rich keeps massaging my legs, switching between both of my thighs.

As the movie ends, I feel him adjust his position, turning to face me instead of the tv. He keeps his hands on my thighs as he leans over me, brushing his nose against mine. When I open my eyes, Rich is softly smiling down at me. I run my fingers over the scars on his cheek and press my lips to his, and happily sigh.

“Boyfriend, huh?” I smirk. Rich gives me a confused look, and I smile, “You called me your boyfriend earlier.”

“I did, didn’t I?” he smiles back. “Do you want to be my boyfriend? Officially?”

“I wanna be the one you come to when you fall asleep,” I tell him. “The one you cuddle and kiss, all of it.”

“Anything for you, Sunflower,” he says before kissing me again. I run my fingers through his hair and he wraps his arms around my middle, holding me close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mamma Mia is a quality movie.
> 
> Also Vicks/vaporub feels really good on my aching joints and muscles. And smells good.


	3. Sunflower and Honeybee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Talk of suicidal thoughts, anxiety.
> 
> Basically we talk about the after effects of being in a traumatic/kind of abusive situation for years, and the Halloween Fire.

It’s the middle of the night and the buzzing of my phone wakes me up from my sleep. I fumble in the dark for my phone, and squint against the light of the screen.

::Rich🌻 to Bennie🌻::

_[Bennie?]_

_[Can I come over?]_

_[I’m not feeling so good right now]_

_[Of course you can]_

_[Just let me know when you’re here and I’ll open the door for you]_

_[So funny thing…]_

_[I’m already at your door]_

I sit up in bed and hear him quietly knock on my door, and I wheels myself out to open it for him. His eyes and cheeks are red, and it looks like he rolled out of bed to be here. Not that I’m any more presentable in my underwear and loose-fitting tank top, but he looks awful. I let him in and close the door, and guide him back to my bed. He crashes face first into my bed, exhausted from the stress and anxiety.

“Do you want to talk about it,” I ask him as I sit down next to him. He shrugs but says nothing as I rub circles on his back, and I can hear his breath shudder. “Just breathe, honeybee.”

“I’m sorry,” he grumbles into my blankets.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” I tell him.

“The Squips, the fire, hurting you and everyone else…” he says as he turns his head to face me. “I did all of it.”

“You didn’t, the Squip did.”

“The Squip didn’t make me start the fire,” he says as tears well up in his eyes. “I thought that if I could get it to deactivate, maybe it would deactivate Jeremy’s too. I thought that if I died, the Squip would be stopped and nobody else would get hurt.”

“Oh, Rich…” I say softly, wiping away he tears.

“I still have nightmares about the fire,” he chokes. “But I always die at the end. I don’t want to die, Bennie.”

“I know, baby,” I assure him. I pull him into my lap, wrapping my arms around him. Rich buries his face in my shoulder, squeezing me tight.

“It’s so hard,” he says softly after a few moments. “Every time I look in the mirror, I see my biggest mistake.”

I hold him tight, gently rocking him back and forth. I have been dealing with my own nightmares about the fire, but I haven’t told anyone about them except a counselor every now and then. Anti-anxiety medication and mood stabilizers have helped, but I can’t imagine how Rich feels. I know he is hurting deep within him, but all I can offer right now is myself and physical comfort.

“The Squip told me I was worthless, and terrible, and hideous… I already thought those things before I got it, that was the whole reason I did,” Rich tells me. “It blocked some of it, but everything still felt fake. People saw me and wanted to be around me, but they didn’t know _me_. They knew what the Squip made me. They didn’t know about my lisp, about my family, not even how I felt…”

“Jeremy said you told him you were suicidal before the Squip, but he didn’t say anything about talking to you about it,” I say.

“He didn’t. The Squip kind of made me tell him, but even then…”

“I’m sorry, Rich, I didn’t know…” I say as I squeeze him again. “But I do know that you aren’t worthless or hideous. You mean so much to me, and I want to keep getting to know _you_, not the persona the Squip gave you. Your scars show how far you’ve come, and you are no less attractive with them. I know I can’t ever understand what it was like, but I’m here now and I plan on staying.”

Rich lets out a quiet sob as I hold him tight, letting his pent-up emotions finally surface. I let him cry, not knowing how long he has held them in. When he starts to sniffle, I reach for a box of tissues and wipe his eyes. As his crying stops he cuddles back into my chest, taking deep breaths.

“Do you have nightmares? Or anxiety, I guess?” he asks me after a long silence.

“I do. I have nightmares about the fire, and I’ve been on medication to stabilize my mood and help with the anxiety.”

“You take medication?” he says as he looks up at me. “I do too.”

“I’ve been on them for a couple years. I see a therapist, too.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I just go to the counseling services center we have on campus.”

“I didn’t know that was an option,” he says as he settles back against my shoulder.

“I can bring you tomorrow if you want. I have an appointment every other week,” I offer.

“Can you? It might be easier to explain if you help me…”

“Of course I’ll help you,” I tell him. “I’ll always be here for you.”

“I’m here for you, too,” he says. “I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“Honeybee, can I suggest something for you?” I ask him. When he nods, I continue. “You should try saying thank you instead of always saying you’re sorry. Like instead of saying you’re sorry for waking me up, thank me for staying up with you,” I explain to him. He thinks for a moment, and nods.

“Maybe that would be better…”

“My therapist told me to try it, so its not my idea, but I’ve been trying to do it too,” I say.

“Thank you for taking a chance on me, Bennie,” he says as he nuzzles my neck.

“Thank you for coming back into my life, Rich.”

“I love you,” he says, sitting up to face me.

“I love you too,” I tell him. I brush my thumb over the scars on his cheek, and he leans into my touch. Rich kisses my palm, and I lean forward and kiss his forehead. “Do you want to sleep with me tonight?”

“Yes, please,” he answers. He takes off his hoodie and sweatpants, and I fix the blankets and pillows. I use the bathroom, and when I get back Rich is cuddled into bed holding one of my plushies.

“Am I not enough for you?” I joke as I lay down next to him.

“I need the extra love you’ve stored in this baby manatee,” he whines. I chuckle and wrap my arm around his middle, pulling him close to me.

“Anything for you, honeybee,” I say as I kiss his cheek.

"My sunflower," he hums.

Rich settles in and falls asleep within minutes. I watch him breathe in the dim light peeking through my curtains, relieved he came to me and was able to relax. I smile as he starts to softly snore, and drift off to sleep with him.


	4. Can I See? (NSFW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is smut. And fluff. Mostly smut. Please remember that this is a college au, and both characters are ~21-22 years old.

The next morning, I wake up next to Rich, who is propped up on his elbows and smiling at me. He kisses my forehead as I rub the sleep from my eyes, and wraps his arm around my chest.

“Were you watching me sleep?” I ask him.

“Maybe,” he smirks. “I couldn’t help it, you looked so peaceful and I didn’t want to wake you up.”

I stretch and run my fingers through his hair, my hand settling on the back of his neck, and pull him into a kiss. Rich eagerly meets my lips, his mouth moving languidly with mine. I sigh when his hand runs down my side, gripping my hip and pulling me closer to him. He pushes his tongue against mine, softly moaning into my mouth as I do the same. When I slip my hand under his shirt, he freezes.

“Do you want me to stop?” I ask him, resting my hand on his hip.

“Nobody has seen my body since high school,” he answers. “What if you don’t like what you see?”

“Your scars?” I ask, and he nods. “They won’t stop me from loving you. I have a lot of scars too.”

“From the fire?”

“That, and top surgery.”

“Can we maybe show each other, before continuing?”

“Of course,” I tell him. Rich sits up, letting me do the same, and I take off the tank top I slept in. There are burn scars on my left hip that snake up my side, the same side as my residual limb. The surgery scars on my chest are lighter, almost faded but still raised. Rich runs his hand over the scars on my hip, the hair on my stomach, and up to my chest.

“Do you remember when I told Jeremy to tell Christine that she ‘excites him sexually’?” he asks me. I give him a confused look, but nod, remembering how we all tried to give Jeremy advice on how to ask Christine on a date. “You’re exciting me, sexually.”

“Yeah?” I laugh. “I would hope so.” Rich gives me a lingering kiss and laughs as well, both at his admittance and my response. After a moment, he takes a deep breath and pulls off his tee-shirt.

Rich’s burn scars are bigger than mine, covering more of his chest. The scars on his cheek run down his neck and shoulders, and taper down to another patch of scar tissue on his hip. His skin is mottled, and there are raised lines and bumps from skin transplants. I gently place my hand on his shoulder, feeling the same texture of the scars on my own body. I trace the scars down his side, resting my hand on his stomach.

“They feel the same as mine,” I tell him. “Can you feel me touching you?”

“Only a little bit,” he says. “Am I… you know…”

“You excite me sexually, too,” I say softly. Rich takes a shaky breath, and chuckles. I kiss the scars on his cheek and trail down his neck and shoulder, taking the time to linger on each one. “You are beautiful, Rich.”

Tears well up in his eyes, but he blinks them away and cups my face in his hands, kissing me deeply. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him back down on top of me, continuing where we left off. Rich runs his palms across my chest and down to my hips, pulling them to his. When I nibble his bottom lip, his grip tightens, and he grinds against me. I wrap my leg around his waist and grind back, feeling his now hardened length against me. As Rich massages my hips and waist, he kisses and sucks my neck and shoulders, making me moan.

“You’re one of those guys, huh?” he grins.

“Shut up.”

“Only if you don’t,” he smirks. “Don’t worry, love, I’ll take care of you.” Rich places kisses down my chest and stomach, pulling off my underwear and tossing them aside.

When he sees my dripping slit, he grins again and spreads my legs wider, lifting my hips to his mouth. He licks my wetness, taking extra time to suck my clit as I grind against his face, gasping with pleasure. He moans into me, sending vibrations through my core, driving me closer to my orgasm. Rich pulls away from me and I glare at him for denying me my orgasm, but when he pushes two fingers inside me, I quickly forgive him. He curls his fingers as he slowly pumps them, making me groan as he presses his thumb against my clit. I run my fingers through his hair while he peppers my thighs with kisses, sucking small bruises into my skin as my muscles spasm around his fingers.

“That’s it, baby, cum for me,” Rich says as he meets my lips, keeping his fingers pumping. I moan into his mouth, my legs shaking as I reach my orgasm. “Good boy,” he praises, sucking my cum off his fingers.

“Holy shit,” I gasp. “I haven’t been fucked in forever.”

“I’m not done with you yet,” he grins. “Do you have any condoms?” 

“I have an IUD and I’m on testosterone,” I tell him, massaging his length over his boxers. “I’ve also been painfully celibate until now.” Rich thinks for a moment, and then gets the message. When he slips out of his boxers, I grin. The scars on his hips contrast the dark hair on his stomach, leading to his already dripping cock. Rich wraps my leg around his waist, positioning himself at my entrance.

“Are you ready?”

“Please fuck me, Rich.”

“Anything for you,” he smiles. As he presses into me, we both groan, the sensation of being stretched and filled by him making me grip his shoulders. He lets me adjust to his thickness before starting to slowly thrust, his fingers digging into my hips. “God, you’re tight,” he whimpers, picking up the pace. As Rich find his rhythm, I throw my head back and cry out with pleasure and he presses his lips to my exposed neck. He licks and sucks as he moans, pushing me closer and closer to another orgasm. 

“Fuck, Rich! I’m—”

“Cum for me again, Bennie,” he pants. As my muscle contracts around him, we cum together, groaning for each other. I whimper as my legs shake, riding out my orgasm. Rich kisses my cheeks and neck as he pulls out, leaving me dripping and empty. I run my fingers through his hair as he looks down at me, his cheeks and eyes glowing. “You’re amazing.”

I giggle as I catch my breath, and relax back into the pillows. Rich reaches for the tissues next to my bed, wiping away our cum before it stains the sheets. He lays down next to me, running his hand over my chest and stomach, basking in my own after glow. He traces circles over my scars, helping me re-center myself in the moment.

“Wow,” I sigh.

“Yeah? Too good for you?”

“No such thing as ‘too good’, babe.”

“You’re right,” he laughs. “I haven’t had any for a while though, I wasn’t sure if I would be up to snuff.”

“I haven’t either,” I tell him. “I’m not exactly everyone’s type…”

“Good thing you’re my type,” he says before kissing me softly. I cup his cheeks and run my thumb over his scars. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”


	5. A Loaf of Bread Will Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Nightmares about the fire and hospitals, also sex toys but not any actual nsfw stuff

It’s a week before Halloween, and Rich and I are out looking at decorations at any store that has them. I go straight to the aisles filled with skulls, cobwebs, and bottles labeled with various poisons. Seeing the miniature houses and dioramas always make me giddy for the spooky season, my inner witch finally able to indulge in decorations and novelties.

“Do you still really celebrate Halloween?” he asks me as I gush over the skeletons and bats.

“Not really, I just like the aesthetic,” I smile. “I love the pumpkins and cats and dark colors...”

“Even if the day is… you know…”

“I haven’t been to a Halloween party, or even dressed up, since that one,” I say. “I’m just a goth at heart. You know how people get really happy when they see Christmas decorations? That’s how I feel when I see this stuff.”

“I never really liked holidays in the first place,” he shrugs. “My family life wasn’t exactly great, so it was either spending them alone or with my drunk father after my brother left. Halloween and Valentine’s Day were excuses to party in high school.”

“We don’t have to do any you don’t want to,” I tell him as I hold his hand. “I was never a Christmas person, or a partier, and I don’t really like my birthday…”

“Then you can buy all the spooky shit you want,” he smiles. “It’s the costumes and partying that get to me.”

“Me too… I’ve just been holing up in my room for the past few years, it’ll be nice to spend it with someone,” I say as I nudge him with my shoulder.

“Can we watch scary movies?” he grins.

“We can watch anything that doesn’t rely on jump scares. I’m fine with gore or psychological thrillers, but I draw the line at things popping out for no reason.”

“Aww, no actual scary stuff for the baby, huh?”

“I will allow one, as long as I don’t have to watch,” I say, giving in to his teasing.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” he smirks. “I can’t have my sunflower getting nightmares.”

“I don’t need more than I already have,” I say under my breath. I don’t think Rich hears me, because he smiles when I pick out a statue of a [skeleton sitting in a bathtub](https://www.michaels.com/10in-skeleton-in-tub-figurine-by-ashland/10596116.html) and bring it to the checkout.

We head back to my apartment together, bringing the groceries we picked up and takeout for dinner. Rich helps me put my groceries away as I take out dishes for our food, setting my small table.

“Can I ask you something?” he asks as we eat our dinner.

“I suppose,” I shrug.

“What do you have nightmares about?”

I pause for a moment, gathering my thoughts and how I should word them.

“Some are about the fire, some are from when I was in the hospital… some are when I’m back in my high school body, and some are where I’m placed there as I am now,” I tell him.

“What happens in them?”

“If they’re the hospital ones, they don’t want to let me leave. Like the doctors or whoever decide that I need to be there longer, doing tests and more surgeries and sticking me with needles. There are so many needles, and they’re in my mouth and nose, and I keep pulling them out but there’s always more. I hate needles, and having to deal with so many when I was there was awful…” I say as I run my hand through my hair, Rich listening as I talk. “The fire ones are just the fire, but somehow more. More flames I guess? I always wake up drenched in sweat after those ones.”

“Mine are like that too,” he says. “I mean, I had that bad one the other week, but I have ones about the hospital. I can’t ever move because the bandages and whatever are too tight, like they’re suffocating me. I could barely move with them on anyways, but when I try to get out of them, they just get tighter and tighter. I think I must stop breathing when I have those ones cuz I feel like I do.”

“I sleep better with you though, which is nice,” I say as I squeeze his hand.

“I do too,” he smiles. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“You can stay whenever you want. You’ve already got some of your things here anyways, I might as well just give you my extra key” I laugh.

“You would do that?” he says, his eyes wide.

“Well, yeah. You’re my boyfriend, and what if you need something but I’m asleep? Or if I hurt myself or if I have a nightmare,” I shrug. “Hold on, I’ll go find it.” I search my drawers for the spare key, and bring it out to Rich who seems all but flabbergasted that I would even offer. I take his keys and add mine to the ring, and hand them back with a smile. “There. Now it’s really official, huh?”

“Nobody has ever given me a key to their house before,” he says softly. “Not even in high school when I really could have used one. I used to knock on front doors, even to Jake’s house.”

“I want you to have a safe place to come to when you need to,” I tell him, taking his hands. “I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re alone in all of this. If you have a bad nightmare, or if you feel anxious, or if you just need some time away from everything… I want to be that for you.”

Rich stands and wraps his arms around my neck, pulling me into a gentle kiss.

“You’ve seen me naked, there isn’t anything else to hide from you,” I say. “Maybe my poptarts…”

“Nooo,” he cries as he throws his head back, “not the poptarts!”

“Also maybe don’t look in the bottom drawer of my nightstand, unless you want to see my collection of vibrators and monster dicks,” I grin.

“Now I am obligated to look at them and determine which is the best and cutest,” he grins back, turning us around and bolting to my bedroom.

“Rich!”

“Ben!” he yells back, cackling. I can hear him open the drawer as I enter the room, and he oohs and ahhs as he pulls out my toys, placing them on the bed next to him.

“Are you happy now?” I ask, sitting down next to him.

“I am very happy now, and I’m going to make you happy with all of these,” he grins.

“As long as I can use them on you, too,” I grin back. When he wiggles his eyebrows at me, I pull him into my lap and his lips meet mine as we let our dinner grow cold and our bodies heat up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Richard Goranski is a switch don't @ me. 
> 
> Also, the nightmares about the needles are based off my own. I don't know what they mean or why I have them, but I hate them. So if you know anything about dreams, hmu.  
Also hmu if you want to buy me that skeleton because I love it.


	6. Slow Down With Me (EDITED)

Rich and I are cuddled together on my couch, and we decide to make our relationship known to those who aren’t at the same college as us. Rich posts a picture of us from the other on his Instagram, leaving a cheesy but heartfelt caption and tagging me in it. Our friends from high school quickly begin liking and commenting, congratulating us on our relationship and how far I’ve come since seeing them.

“I’m glad everyone seems happy for us,” Rich says as he scrolls through the likes and comments. “I guess Chloe never put it together that I’m bi, but other than that…”

“I’m kind of surprised nobody has asked _how_ we got together,” I tell him.

“Someone will probably DM me eventually,” he shrugs. “Not that it really matters, I’m just happy right now.”

“I am too,” I say as I lean against his shoulder.

::Jakey D to Rich G::

_[hey man, I saw your post with Bennie]_

_[I’m happy for you]_

_[Thanks bro, I’m really happy to be with him]_

_[How did you guys even meet?]_

_[I transferred to the same college without knowing, and didn’t recognize them at first._

_[I reintroduced myself and he was like dude… we went to high school together]_

_[And that’s pretty much how it happened]_

_[I guess that’s one way to do it]_

“It never really occurred to me how weird it was for you for me to just… come up to you again. Especially after everything that happened, and then going separate ways for a bit…” Rich tells me.

“It was weird to see you be so shy… and weird because I hadn’t noticed you before then, but I wasn’t really looking at who would walk by. It was my time to just be in my own bubble, that wasn’t my room, and pretend to be more social and productive than I am. I kept my head down so people wouldn’t ask me questions about my leg, or how my voice was cracking, or why I looked so tired and sad…” I think out loud, and tears well in my eyes. Rich listens as I talk, putting his phone down and holding me tight. “I don’t know what you saw in me.”

“I saw the way you smiled at who ever you were talking to, the way you looked content, the way your tiredness showed when your smile fell,” he tells me. “I loved the way you pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh, and then get back to whatever you were doing.”

“You saw all of that?” I ask him, sniffling and wiping my tears.

“I did. And I finally built up the courage to talk to you, and seeing you up close was even better. Even though I could see the bags under your eyes, your eyes lit up when you recognized me. You weren’t mad that I didn’t recognize you, and when you laughed, I was done for. I had spent so much time being afraid of approaching you, when we really knew each other the whole time. That made falling in love with you even better.”

“I wish I could have known you a little better in high school, but then we probably wouldn’t be here now.”

“I just wish it wasn’t the Squip that made us even interact. I knew you were friends with Christine, but that’s all I really knew until junior year,” he tells me. “It wanted me Squip you, but it determined Jeremy would be a better option… I guess you know the rest.”

“I want to know the real you, anyways. The Squipped Rich wasn’t the real one. Parts were, but not all of them,” I say softly. “Wanna know a secret?”

“Hmm?”

“I had a crush on you, even back then.”

“You did?”

“Yeah… Is that weird?”

“Maybe a little, but I did have some killer moves back then,” he grins.

“You still have killer moves, you’re just not dancing in front of every cute girl you see now,” I laugh.

“They’re all for you, baby. You’re the only one I want to dance for,” he says as he squeezes me.

“I’m not so good at dancing anymore, but I’ll still dance with you.”

“Then dance with me,” Rich says, pulling me to my feet and into his arms. I place my hand on his shoulder, and he places his on my waist, holding the other in his hand. As he turns me around the room I’m careful to not step on his toes with my prosthetic, but when I do he only laughs and keeps going. When he slows and pulls me tight against him, he presses his forehead against mine, and quietly hums. He begins to softly sing to our song to me. “[When you can't stand up, even love is not enough, I'll be your sunflower. I shine for you… you know I'd do, anything for you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FunMQXDeBc4).”

“Anything for you,” I sing back, caressing his scarred cheek. Rich gently kisses me, lingering for a moment.

“I love you, sunflower.”

“I love you, my honeybee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I made the instagram usernames easy enough to figure out.


	7. The SquipSquad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This shit is loooong  
TW: Alcohol and drug use

“Hey, babe?” Rich calls to me from the couch.

“Yeah?” I respond from the small table I have in place of a desk.

“Do you want to see if the squad wants to meet up over break?”

“That might be fun,” I tell him. “I haven’t seen any of them since graduation.”

“I’ll see if the group chat still works,” he says.

:: 💊SquipSquad💊::

_[Rich: Does anyone still check this? Or have notifications on?]_

_[Rich: Bennie and I were wondering if anyone wants to meet up for Christmas or New Years]_

_[Michael: you underestimate my need for attention]_

_[Michael: of course I have every single notification alert on]_

_[Jenna: Same]_

_[Rich: so…… you want to meet up?]_

_[Michael: let me ask @Jeremy]_

_[Jeremy: Michael you’re sitting right next to me]_

_[Michael: I needed you in the chat anyways]_

_[Brooke: I need to see hot bennie up close_👀👀_]_

_[Rich: jesus christ brooke]_

_[Bennie: I’ll allow it this once]_

_[Brooke: yessss _🔥🔥🔥🔥_]_

_[Rich: does anyone know if Christine/chloe/jake are around?]_

_[Brooke: im with chloe right now]_

_[Brooke: she says whatever as long as theres food]_

_[Jake: I’m down]_

_[Jenna: so am i]_

_[Bennie: pick a time and place and we’ll be there]_

_[Bennie: my apartment is a little small for eight people]_

_[Michael: my moms are going on vacation and leaving the house to me, so we can have it here]_

_[Michael: just don’t burn it down]_

_[Rich: fuck off]_

We all decide on a date, and Jeremy and Michael let Christine know all the plans. We would be having our own version of a Christmas/Hanukkah party at Michael’s mom’s house, and we’ll be staying the night in the various bedrooms and basement.

“I can’t believe everyone was willing to meet up,” Rich says.

“It should be a good time,” I smile. “We’ve all changed a little, and it’ll be nice to be together.”

“I think you’ve changed the most,” he smirks.

“It’s so weird that you knew me before I was _me_,” I tell him. “There are people who will never meet that person, and yet you’ve known both.”

“I prefer this new you over the high school you,” he says as he kisses me cheek. “I’m glad I can know you now.”

“I’m glad I can know you now too,” I smile.

\-----

“Do you have everything?” Rich asks me. “Medicine? Toothbrush?”

“I should,” I tell him. “It’s only for one night, we’ll be fine.”

“I know I know,” he says. We put our bag in the backseat of his car and head off to Michael’s house for the party. The college we go to is a couple hours away from Middleborough, so we settle in for the ride. Rich puts on one of the [pre-generated pop punk playlists](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DXa9wYJr1oMFq?si=KyCF35qxRq21dsjHTlKkTA), and knows every word to every song, and I sing along to the ones I know.

When we arrive in front of Michael’s family home its late afternoon, and there are no other cars in the driveway except for Michael’s PT Cruiser.

“Are we too early?” Rich asks me.

“I don’t think so,” I shrug. “Let’s just go in, it won’t hurt to have extra time with them.”

We gather our things and when we step on to the porch, Rich pauses.

“Should we knock or…?”

“I’m just going in,” I say as I open the door, yelling for either Michael or Jeremy. Michael comes barreling around the corner, yelling back.

“Bennie! Rich! You’re the first ones to arrive and I’m so so happy you came!” he says as he squeezes us together, practically giddy with excitement. Michael looks us both up and down and grins, “Look at you two! I can’t believe you’re together, but since seeing your posts together I’m completely sold.”

“I’m glad his cheesy captions convinced you,” I laugh.

“They’re not cheesy if I mean them,” Rich says as he kneels down to untie my shoes and help me take off the one on my prosthetic.

“You’re taking off his shoes for him? That’s too cute,” Michael squees.

“I have a bench at home so I can take them off myself, but even then he’ll take them off for me,” I smile.

“If it makes your life a little easier, I’m happy to do it,” Rich says as he stands up and kisses my cheek. “Where’s Jeremy?”

“In the kitchen, making sure the cookies don’t burn,” Michael says as he leads us through his house, taking us to drop our bags in a spare bedroom. “I’m giving you the guest bedroom because you guys are the only ones dating each other. Except me and Jeremy, but I have my own bedroom for that.”

“Thanks, Michael,” I say. “Its easier for me to get out of a bed than the floor or couch.”

“I remember,” Michael smiles. We head to the kitchen after, and greet Jeremy.

“You should go lay down for a bit,” I tell Rich. “You drove the whole way here.”

“Yeah yeah,” Rich says as he squeezes me, and kisses my cheek before he leaves.

“How the hell did you two end up together?” Jeremy asks me. “He was so rough in high school.”

I tell him the story the same way we always do, starting in the library and going up until now.

“I know we’re going to have to tell it a few more times, but now you can tell anyone who asks you,” I smile. “He makes me so happy.”

“I get it,” Michael says as he wraps his arm around Jeremy. “Jere makes me happy too.”

“You’re such a sap,” Jeremy says as the oven beeps.

“Yeah, but you love it,” Michael grins.

Voices yell from the front door as more of our friends arrive, not bothering to knock the same way I didn’t. Michael goes to greet them and show them where to put their things, and returns with Chloe, Brooke, Jenna, and Jake in tow, along with a new face. Brooke screams when she sees me already sitting at the counter, chatting with Jeremy.

“You’re even hotter in person,” she yells as she squeezes me too tightly.

“Okay, okay, I get it,” I laugh.

“She did the same thing when she met Austin,” Chloe sighs, and introduces her boyfriend to the rest of us. He goes around the room and greets everyone, his smile sparkling as he does.

“I’m Ben, and Rich is still laying down from the trip,” I say as he shakes my hand. “I don’t want to wake him up yet, but he’s the only other guy here so he won’t be hard to miss.”

“I think Chloe showed me a picture of the two of you,” Austin tells me. “You make a good-looking couple.”

“Thanks,” I laugh. “Is Christine coming soon?”

“She’s at her parent’s right now. She said she would be here later, and not to wait up,” Jeremy says. 

“Then let’s get this started!” Jenna almost yells, pulling out bottles of rum and vodka from her bag. Jake has a case of beer, and Michael gives everyone mugs for their drinks.

“Don’t worry, I have pot for us,” he says to me, handing me a mug anyways.

“Thank gods,” I say, relieved to have something other than alcohol.

“You don’t drink?” Austin asks me.

“Not really,” I shrug. “I mean, I’ll have some wine every now and then, but I don’t get drunk anymore.”

“Not even with Rich?” Chloe asks.

“He’s been sober for a while now, so we just don’t do anything,” I tell her. “I also don’t want my apartment to smell like weed.”

“I feel that,” Michael says. “That’s what the basement is for.”

Everyone heads downstairs to play Smash on Michael’s GameCube, and I go to check on Rich.

“Hey baby,” I say as I sit down next to him. He grunts at me and pulls the blankets over his head, but I pull them back. “We’re going downstairs to play games. There’s drinks and snacks in the kitchen, and Michael got some of the good kush. You can come down when you’re ready.”

“I’m just being a butt,” he smiles. “I’ll come with you.”

I change into the sweatpants I brought as Rich stretches and kicks off the blankets, and we head downstairs.

“Let’s do this,” he cheers as he enters the basement, fist bumping Jake and shaking Austin’s hand. I sit down on a couch next to Michael, and Rich sits in between my feet on the floor. Jeremy hands him a controller, and the games begin.

A few hours of gaming, Christine’s arrival, and too much alcohol and weed later, Jenna pulls out a photo album she put together in high school.

“I can’t believe Rich used to dye that streak in his hair,” Brooke says.

“It was cool! The camo pants, however…” Rich replies.

“Look at Jeremy’s baby face,” Christine gushes. “He was so cute.”

“I’m still cute, I’m just not your type anymore,” Jeremy retorts. “Michael thinks I’m cute and that’s what matters.”

“Yeah, but look at Ben,” Michael grins. “That’s the babiest face I’ve ever seen!”

“Why did I even try,” I cringe.

“Either way, it didn’t work,” Brooke says. “I prefer you now.”

“I do too,” Rich grins, rubbing his cheek against mine. “I love this scruffy face.”

“You have the most facial hair out of all of us,” Jake laughs.

We compare more pictures as we set up another game, reminiscing over high school and everything we’ve been through. As the night goes on, Rich starts to visibly get uncomfortable, still choosing to either sit between my legs or in my lap.

“Why does your leg have to be so uncomfortable,” he grumbles.

“Carbon fiber and titanium weren’t made to be soft, love. You don’t have to sit on me,” I tell him.

“But I want to,” he whines. “Everyone else is cuddling and I want to cuddle you.”

“Rich? Cuddling?” Christine laughs. “I never thought I would see the day.”

“Ben is soft in all places except their leg! I can’t _not_ cuddle him,” he retorts.

“Will you help me back downstairs if I do?” I ask him, laughing at him and Christine. When he says yes, we go back upstairs together to deal with my prosthetic. I roll up my sweatpants so the pant leg won’t be too long, and Rich helps me back downstairs. He carries me to the couch, happy to show off he still retained the muscle he gained in high school. He takes off his sweater after putting me back on the couch, and Austin does a double take at the sight of my missing limb and the extent of Rich’s burn scars.

“Whoa, what happened? Were you two in a car accident or something?” he asks.

“You haven’t told him about the fire?” Rich asks Chloe.

“I wasn’t really there, and he hadn’t met anyone else that was, so I didn’t,” she shrugs.

“You guys sure had a fun time posting about it…” Rich grumbles.

“What fire?” Austin asks, his initial question still left unanswered.

“Rich set a fire and he burned down Jakes house,” Jenna tells him. “Its been, what? Four years now?”

“That sounds right,” I sigh.

“I didn’t mean to…” Rich mumbles again, wrapping his arms around my middle from where he sat on the floor.

“I know, baby,” I say to him, rubbing his back. Jenna tells Austin the whole story of the infamous Halloween fire, Rich keeping his head buried in my stomach.

“And now the two people that got the most injured from it are dating. Fate is funny that way,” she says as she finishes the story.

“Even after all of that?” Austin asks us.

“Well, it wasn’t his fault. Not really,” I tell him. “The Squips fucked all of us over, in one way or another. But Rich came back into my life, and I’m grateful for that every day I’m with him. He’s my favorite person to be with, he makes me so happy. He’s my honeybee.” Rich lifts his head and smiles up at me.

“My sunflower,” he coos.

“Its just so beautiful,” Christine sniffles, tears running down her cheeks. We laugh at Christine’s alcohol induced outburst of emotions, the mood lifting back up.

As the night turns into the wee hours of the morning, I can feel Rich settling deep and deeper into my chest, relaxing into my touch. A movie is playing on the TV as everyone either falls asleep or scrolls through their phones, settling down after a night of excitement.

“Let’s go to bed,” I whisper to him. Rich nods and helps me upstairs, and collapses on the guest room bed after I sit down. He wiggles over to make room for me, and we quickly fall asleep splayed across the quilt.


	8. When You Love Somebody (NSFW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Rich bottoms. This is smut. Straight up.
> 
> Please remember that this is a post-squipcident fic where all of the characters are juniors in college, around 21 years old!!

After returning home from the party with the SquipSquad, Rich and I are finishing a load of laundry together. I’m sitting in my office chair as I fold up the clothes, Rich putting everything away as I hand it off to him.

“This feels nice,” he says softly.

“Putting away clothes?”

“Putting away clothes with you. It just feels… good? Right? Like this is how it should be.”

“It does feel good,” I smile.

“Even when we go grocery shopping together, or cook, or clean… just normal things feel _good_ when I do them with you. They feel like such a chore when I do them myself,” he says softly. “I just like being with you.”

“I like being with you too,” I say before he leans down and kisses me gently. I smile as I kiss him back, wrapping my arms around his middle. Rich deepens the kiss, pressing his tongue against mine as he straddles my thighs. I press back, wrapping my tongue around his as I massage his hips. I smile up at him when he slides his hands under my shirt, pulling it off before removing his own. He sighs as he meets me lips again, running his hands over my chest as I rub his sides. When he ruts against me, I roll us over to the bed, pushing myself on top of him.

Rich moans as I plant kisses down his neck, sucking the spot that turns him into putty in my hands. When the switch in Rich’s head is flipped to ‘bottom’, his submissive side shines. I run my hands down his sides, pulling his hips to meet mine and I hear him dig through a drawer in my nightstand. I switch to the other side of his neck, sucking small bruises on both sides. When he finds what he wants and taps me on the shoulder with it, I sit up grin. I pull off my shorts and boxers as I take the harness from him, slipping on the strap-on he handed me as he removes his own clothes.

“Get comfortable, baby,” I smirk as I tuck my thighs under his, lifting his hips as I lube up my hand and now attached cock. Rich sighs as I circle my finger around his awaiting hole, relaxing into the pillows as I ease in. He gasps when I push in another as I meet his lips again, gently kissing and stretching him. I pump my fingers, making him whimper and grasp at my thighs as I brush against the sensitive gland hidden inside him.

“Are you ready?” I ask him, and he nods. “Tell me what you want, then,” I grin.

“Just fuck me already,” he practically begs. There is precum already dripping from his erection onto his stomach, and his cheeks are flushed with lust. I remove my fingers and line up with his entrance, and slowly ease myself into him. I don’t stop until my hips meet his, Rich moaning deep and low.

“What a good boy, taking me all at once,” I say, praising him as I let him adjust to the length and girth of the of the dildo pressing against my clit. When Rich rolls his hips against mine, I pull out. I leave just the tip inside him before snapping my hips to meet his, making him cry out with pleasure. I massage his hips as I find a rhythm that makes him dig his fingers into my thighs, humming as the pressure builds within me. “Is this what you wanted? Does it feel good to be fucked by me?”

Rich grins when he wraps his arms around my neck and pulls himself up, pushing me on to my back. The view of Rich on top, grinding against the cock inside him takes my breath away.

“You’re so beautiful,” I tell him, caressing his scarred cheek and moving my hips to meet his. He puts his hand over mine, and licks the length of my thumb, moaning as he does. I whimper as he sucks on it, his grinding growing erratic as he nears his orgasm, rubbing the strap against me. I wrap my free hand around his dripping length, pumping as he rides me. “Come on baby, be a good boy and cum for me.”

Rich cries out when he paints my torso with his cum, reaching his orgasm as I reach mine. He pants as he lays himself down on top of me, nuzzling into my shoulder as I pull out of him. I wrap my arms around him and kiss his forehead and shoulder, rubbing his back and sides as we catch our breath.

“Fuck,” Rich says to me, propping himself up on his elbows and smiling. I can almost feel the glow in his cheeks on mine. I grin as I run my hand through his hair, holding him close with my other arm. He cuddles back into me, choosing to lay next to me rather than on top. I pepper kisses over his cheeks and forehead, making him giggle.

“I love you,” I tell him.

“I love you too,” he sighs, content after his orgasm.

“Do you want to shower? I’ll wash your hair,” I ask.

“Just give me a minute,” he mumbles, using his finger to spread his cum over my stomach and chest.

“Really?”

“You made a mess of me, now I’m making a mess on you,” he smiles. “Wash it off later.”

“Fine, fine,” I say. He shakes his head at me, but kisses me softly. I sit up and pull off the strap-on, tossing it in the general direction of the bathroom. “Let me clean you up, honeybee.”

“Can you massage my shoulders? And that thing you do to my scalp?”

“Anything for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rich definitely likes being praised, whether it's during sex or not. 
> 
> Also, aftercare is important for any sexual encounter. Don't let your bottom (or top) feel like they were just used to bust a nut, take care of them and show them how much you love them. Cuddle them, kiss them, wash them off, feed them, make them drink plenty of water... just take care of each other, its worth the extra effort.


	9. You Used Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This shit angsty.

::Ava to Bennie::

_[I need to settle a bet]_

_[Uhhhhh]_

_[Okay?]_

_[Who is the bottom and who is the top?]_

_[dfhljh Ava what the fuck]_

_[Like between me and Rich?]_

_[Yeah, who else??]_

_[We need to know.]_

_[Who? You?]_

_[The entire club. Money is involved and I need a new coffee maker.]_

_[Jesus Christ]_

_[We’re both switches.]_

_[FUCK]_

_[Okay but who bottomed last??]_

_[Rich did, but don’t tell him I told you]_

_[Guess who got a new coffee maker]_

_[Gods, Ava]_

_ _

_[I did and I would do it again]_

_[How has break been? Holed up with your bottom?]_

_[We actually went and saw our high school friends]_

_[It was really nice to see everyone again]_

_[and I think you meant ‘with my bottom holed up’]_

_[KJLGKJ;SFKOEFI]_

_[FUCK]_

I chuckle at my texts while I lay on the couch with Rich, spending the evening cuddled together and watching movies after working during the day.

“Are you laughing at yourself?” he asks me, taking a glance at my phone. I show him the thread of texts between me and Ava, and he sighs. “I can’t believe you.”

“I’m funny and you know it,” I giggle to myself.

“Okay it was pretty funny,” he grins. He settles back into me, laying his head on my chest. His phone buzzes on the coffee table, and when he sees the caller ID he suddenly sits up.

“What’s wrong?” I ask him.

“It’s my dad,” he says, still staring at the screen.

“You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to,” I tell him. Rich sighs, but presses the answer button.

“Hello?” he says into the phone, and I can’t hear the voice on the other side.

“Yeah, it was just for the day. We were visiting our friends and had to go back to work.”

…

“We didn’t have time, we both have jobs we needed to get back to.”

…

“Yeah, that Bennie.” I can hear shouting from the speaker now, and Rich’s face goes sour. “It’s not your decision to make, it’s mine.”

…

“Did you just call to criticize me, or was there a point to this?” The shouting continues and I gesture for his phone. Rich gives me a confused look, but hands me his phone. As soon as its in my hand, I hang up on his father.

“Did you just hang up?” Rich asks me, still looking confused.

“You don’t need to listen to him yell at you,” I tell him, sitting up to face him.

“I could have handled it myself.”

“I know you could have, but there’s no reason for you to put up with that anymore,” I assure him. “You’re financially independent, you have your own life. What’s the point of keeping him around after everything he’s put you through? He’s not going to change.”

“He’s my dad, Ben. I don’t need pity from you too,” he snaps. “I can take care of myself.”

“I’m not _pitying _you. If I was pitying you, I would be telling you ‘I’m sorry’ and that ‘things will get better, just give it time’. I know what pity is, I get it every day just as much as you do from people in the street and classmates and professors that don’t know better,” I tell him. “I know you are strong and capable of taking care of yourself, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t consider or accept the help that is given to you.”

“You don’t understand,” he huffs, putting his head in his hands.

“Rich, I haven’t talked to or seen my father since high school. I rarely talk to my mother. I made the decision to remove them from my life so I can heal,” I say softly. “I had to do everything myself since we graduated high school. All I could do was try and get help from wherever I could, but it never came. I was alone, and scared, and I barely had a plan beyond ‘make it through this week’.”

When I pause and he doesn’t say anything, I continue.

“You deserve to move on from that part of your life, and I’ll be here to help you if you want me to, and I’ll be here to support you if you don’t want me stepping in.”

“I know,” he sighs. “Can I just… have a minute to think?”

I nod and head to my room, but leave the door open if he chooses to join me. I sit on my bed with my head in my hands, just breathing. I think back to all the times Rich came to school covered in bruises, trying to hide them behind smiles and stories of how he hurt himself working out or playing whatever sport him and Jake were into at the moment. Even after the Squips were deactivated, his face would fall whenever anyone asked how he was doing after being home from the hospital. I know I was focused on my own family problems, but I feel bad that I never asked how he really was. I take a shaky breath, keeping my head down and letting Rich have time with himself.

“Bennie?” I hear Rich say from the doorway. I look up at him as he walks over and sits down, wrapping an arm around me.

“I’m sorry I made you think I was pitying you,” I say softly. “I was dealing with my own problems during high school, and I couldn’t help you then, but now I can. I want to help you, but if you don’t want me to… I understand.”

“But you’re right,” he tells me. “I’m no longer dependent on him for anything, and he isn’t adding anything to my life except for unnecessary stress. I already have school and work, and dealing with the people who _do_ pity me.”

“I don’t want you to think that I don’t think you’re strong,” I say.

“I know,” he whispers. “I’m sorry for snapping at you, you didn’t do anything wrong. I get so angry when I talk to him…”

“I’m not going to say it was okay, but I appreciate your apology. I really do,” I say as I wrap my arms around him. “Why are parents like this?”

“Because they shouldn’t have become parents in the first place,” he says. “But then I wouldn’t have you.”

“I guess you’re right,” I nod. “I wouldn’t have you either.”

“Can you help me not answer my dads calls? Or maybe just… block his number? Is that even possible? Probably social media too… I don’t know how he knew we were together,” he sighs. “I just want to get better, and have you by my side.”

“Of course I will,” I say, squeezing him tight.

“I love you, sunflower.”

“I love you too, honeybee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't put actual angst in my fics because it makes me sad when my ships/couples fight and don't make up right away.


	10. Definitely Homophobic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though I'm dealing with Hurricane Dorian, I'm still writing fanfiction. What else am I supposed to do?

I awake with a start, sitting up and gasping for air. I can feel the sweat sticking my skin to the sheets, and my heart pounding in my chest. Rich stirs when I bring my knee to my chest, and he gently places his hand on my back.

“Did you have a nightmare?” he whispers to me, sitting up next to me.

“Yeah…” I sigh, rubbing my eyes. “It was about the fire, like usual…”

“Come here,” he says as he pulls me close, holding me tight. “Do you want a cold washcloth?”

“Yes please…” I tell him. He heads to the bathroom and I hear the faucet run, and feel Rich sit down next to me and press the cool cloth to the back of my neck. “Thank you,” I say softly. He moves the cloth to my forehead, wiping away the sweat from my face. He runs the damp washcloth down my arms and chest, gently cooling me down. 

“Are you feeling better?” he asks me before going back to the bathroom and rinsing out the cloth.

“I think so,” I shrug. “It’s just dumb that I’m still having them.”

“I still have them too,” he says. “They might take a while to go away. The therapist said that we could always have them, but that’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I know… I just hate having them.”

Rich pulls me close again, resting his forehead on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around his middle and sigh, burying my face in the crook of his neck. We sit together for a few minutes in a comfortable silence.

“We can go back to sleep now,” I tell him, pulling away. Rich crawls back into his side of the bed, and we cuddle back into the pillows and blankets, sleeping soundly for the rest of the night.

The next morning, I wake up to an empty bed. I roll over to Rich’s side of the bed, finding it still a little warm from when he rose. I bury my face into his pillow, breathing in his shampoo and the smell of his skin. There is noise coming from the kitchen and the smell of food cooking, but I close my eyes and doze off again.

“Hey, sunflower,” Rich whispers to me, gently rubbing my back. “I made you some breakfast.” I sit up and rub my eyes, taking a few moments to fully wake up. He brushes the stray hair from my face, smiling softly as he does. “You’re cute when you’re sleepy.”

“I’m cute all the time,” I pout. Rich just laughs and agrees, making me grin. I transfer myself to my office chair and put on a teeshirt, and he pushes me into the living room to the dining table.

“I think I made these right,” he says as he places a plate of eggs and toast in front of me. “The yolk might be harder than you like.”

“You tried, and that’s what matters,” I smile. “Did you eat?”

“I might have stolen one of your poptarts,” he smirks.

“I can’t believe it, my own boyfriend,” I say, pressing my hand to my chest in false offence.

“So dramatic,” he grins. He kisses the top of my head before turning to wash the pan he used, humming to himself as I eat the breakfast he made me. He takes my plate and washes it before I can protest, and sits himself on my lap when he finishes.

“Are you feeling okay?” he asks, resting his hands on my shoulders.

“I am now,” I tell him, wrapping my arms around his middle.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know,” I sigh. “It was a little different this time. I was at the party with you, as we are now, but you still started the fire. We tried to get out, but it was so hot…” I press my forehead to his chest, squeezing him tight.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” he says. “I wouldn’t do that. I didn’t even want to then…”

“Mm, I know. Nightmares are just… rude and definitely homophobic,” I smile.

“I can’t believe I put up with this,” Rich groans. “

“You love it.”

“I do,” he says. “I love it a lot.”

“I love you a lot.”

“I love you too, sunflower.”


	11. You Gave Me A Chance

I’m sitting in the back room of the campus bookstore, scanning books to be put in pre-made packages for next semester’s classes. I make sure each class I’m working on has enough books for everyone registered, and a few extra for any student switching in. The repetition of counting and scanning is relaxing, but hard work, as I quietly sing along to one of my playlists.

“How’s it going back there?” my manager yells to me.

“It’s monotonous.” I yell back, and I hear him laugh to himself. I’m lucky I have such an understanding employer, despite legally requiring to accommodate me. I know not everyone with a disability has what I have, and I hear about it all the time from my peers at the disability advocacy club.

I zone out to my music and work, enjoying the rhythm. When my music stops from an incoming phone call, I groan. Seeing the caller ID made it worth losing whatever rhythm I had.

“Hey, babe,” I smile into the phone.

“Are you still at work?” Rich asks from the other end.

“Yeah, why?”

“I was just making sure,” he says.

“Okay… that didn’t really answer the question.”

“It was intentional. I’ll see you when you get home!” Rich hangs up before I can say anything else, and my music starts playing again. I sigh and get back to work, again.

“Was that your boyfriend?” my manager asks, stepping into the room.

“Yeah,” I tell him, shaking my head. “I think he’s got something up his sleeve that he’s not telling me, but I don’t know what it is.”

“He’s probably trying to be romantic,” he offers.

“I guess I’ll give him some extra time then,” I shrug. My shift is almost over, but I take my time getting home.

I pause before unlocking the door, hoping I let Rich have enough time to execute whatever he had planned. I open the door and step inside, not seeing anything out of place, or my boyfriend.

“Babe?” I yell as I take off my shoes.

“I’m in here,” Rich yells from the bedroom. I see he has laid out an outfit on the bed, and is fixing his hair in the bathroom. “Put that on.”

“The clothes?” I ask him.

“Yeah, the clothes,” he laughs. He’s wearing a nice sweater over a collared shirt and dark jeans, and he slicked his hair back in a similar way to what he did in high school. I feel my cheeks warm up as I look him up and down, and he grins when he sees it. He does a spin, rolling his hips in my direction. “Like what you see?”

“I-uh-mhmm” I blubber, my tongue tied. Rich just laughs and pulls me into a kiss. “What’s this all for?”

“It’s a surprise,” he grins. “I don’t need a special reason to spoil my boyfriend, do it?”

“No, I guess not,” I say as I pull off the shirt I was wearing and hold up the one he laid out for me. It’s a button-up printed with small flowers that match the color of his sweater, and I smile at him. “Did you pick this yourself?”

“Sure did, baby. My sense of fashion has grown past muscle tanks and camo pants,” he grins as he sits down on the bed. “I checked the sizes on your other shirts, so it should fit.” I put on a plain tee-shirt and shrug on the shirt Rich got me, finding it fitting just as well as my others. I change into the dark pants he pulled out of my drawer, and spin the same way Rich did.

“Perfect,” he says, slipping his fingers through my belt loops and pulling me closer to him. His eyes sparkle as he looks up at me

“Wow, that’s really gay,” I grin and lean down and kiss him softly.

“I think that was gay-er,” he chuckles.

“You’re right, it was,” I laugh. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“Nope,” he says, popping the p. “It’s a surprise, but I know you’ll enjoy it.”

Rich holds my hand as he drives, softly singing along to the radio. The winter cold is slowly warming to spring, but the sun still sets early. I watch the streetlights dance across his face, highlighting the curves of his face. When I squeeze his hand, he squeezes back a little firmer. The gesture makes us both smile, and my heart swells.

When we pull up to a small, hole-in-the-wall restaurant, a little seafood and Italian spot hidden between buildings. The host brings us to a table, and Rich pulls the chair out for me.

“Allow me, sir,” he says in a bad accent.

“You’re so ridiculous,” I laugh.

“Sometimes you have to be,” he grins.

We look over the menus and decide to share a seafood and pasta dish we can’t quite pronounce, spending the evening laughing together.

“So… was there a reason for all of this?” I ask him as we choose a dessert to share.

“I told you, why do I need a reason to take my wonderful boyfriend on a date?” he says.

“I don’t know, I’ve just never been on one like this,” I tell him.

“You’ve never been on a nice date? Like, ever?” he asks me, giving me a confused look.

“No? You’re the first real boyfriend I’ve had. Nobody has ever stuck around for more than, like, a month,” I shrug.

“I guess that means I’ll have to do this more often,” he smiles.

“I love you so much, Rich,” I tell him, taking his hand. “I just can’t even describe how happy you have made me, and continue to make me. What did I do to deserve you?”

“You gave me a chance,” he says softly. “You could have said no, you could have only wanted my friendship, you could have told me to fuck off when I approached you… You let me love you.”

We head back home after we finish the dessert, and Rich puts on soft music when we arrive. He takes my hand and pulls me close, resting his forehead against mine and his other hand on my hip. I return his gesture, placing my hand on his shoulder. He sways to the music, dancing me around the room and humming along to the music. I rub my nose against his, and he catches my lips in a gentle kiss, his mouth soft against mine.

“I love you, sunflower.”

“I love you too, honeybee.”


	12. Its Hard

I walk through my door, shrug off my backpack and jacket, and walk straight to the couch, bypassing Rich who is sitting at the table. He greets me, but instead of responding, I grab the nearest pillow and hold it to my face, letting out the anger and frustration that has been building inside my lungs. My shoulders shake, but I keep my face in the pillow, taking deep breaths.

“Whoa, Bennie, it’s okay,” Rich says to me, and I hear the chair scrape against the floor as he stands. He places his hand on my back, and pulls the pillow away from my face. His eyes are full of concern, not having seen this side of me. “What’s wrong?”

“I slipped on the ice today, and I was getting back up just fine, and someone had to come along and try to lift me up,” I tell him, still clutching the pillow. “I told them over and over that I was fine, I can do it myself, but they must have seen my leg and kept trying to ‘help me’ but all they did was make it harder. When I finally got myself up, they told me I was ‘such an inspiration’. What the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean? You saw me fall, made it more difficult for me to get up, and that was somehow _inspiring_? _Fuck. off._”

“I know, baby,” Rich says, pulling me close. I put the pillow down and wrap my arms around his middle, burying my face in his shoulder. “I get it too.”

“I get so angry,” I tell him. “I just want to punch things, but I know it won’t help… I don’t want to hurt my hands, or a person, or have to patch dry wall…”

“I understand,” he says to me, rubbing my back and kissing my temple. “What can I do to help you?”

“Just hold me,” I whisper to him. He guides me to the couch and pulls me on to his lap, letting me get comfortable. Rich chuckles when I huff and peel off my jeans, knowing I hate wearing them at home. He runs his hand over my bare thigh and across the socket of my prosthetic, and up under my shirt to rest on my waist. I sigh and press my forehead to his shoulder, calming down from my anger.

We sit together for a while in comfortable silence, just breathing. When Rich releases the suction of my socket and takes off my leg and sleeve, I give him a confused look. He leans me back against the arm rest, getting up and heading into our room. He comes back with the jar of vaporub and sits facing me, a slight smile on his face. He massages the cooling lotion into my stump, placing gentle kisses where he hasn’t yet gotten to. When he’s finished, he moves on to my other leg, going through the same motions.

“You’re beautiful, Bennie,” he says softly. “You will always be beautiful to me, even when you’re angry. I know how scary it can be, both being angry and being at the receiving end of it, and I will always be here to help you.”

“Come here,” I say, letting him lean over me. I cup his face in my hands, running my thumb over the scars on his cheek. “You’re so good to me, Rich,” I tell him, and I feel tears well up in my eyes. He kisses away the ones that fall, peppering my cheeks and forehead.

“You’re my little cry baby,” he grins.

“Shut up,” I pout, wiping my eyes. “Go back to kissing me.”

“Anything for you, sunflower,” he says softly, pressing his lips to mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't tell disabled people they're inspiring just because they're disabled and do things. Someone gives a great speech despite stage fright? That's inspiring. Being disabled isn't. 
> 
> ((I'm disabled and I am an ambulatory mobility aid user. Some days I can walk on my own, others I need a cane, others I need my rollator, and bad days mean wheelchair time.))


End file.
